do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
