Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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