i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
