This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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