OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize