The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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