okay pat passed out under dana's car
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
