i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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