guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
