I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
