blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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