Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize