tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
