Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
