All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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