It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
