I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
