I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
