Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
