Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
