I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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