you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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