My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
