i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
