I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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