I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
