you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
