Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
