i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
