Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
