the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
