There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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