Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
