Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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