so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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