So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
