What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
