if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
