She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
