Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
