I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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