Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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