Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
