Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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