hell yes lets make some ravioli
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
