so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
