just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
