508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you will always have a special place in my vag
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
