If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize