we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
