Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
