Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
