how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
