Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
