OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
