When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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