Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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