From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
