So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
