Ketchup is God's man juice
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
