i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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