Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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