There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize