this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
