He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
