JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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