The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
