We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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