Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
