last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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